Saturday night, second week is trail to the death night. Same day last year they threw me into the Last Chance saloon. Several things were odd that day. The way it was staged having to look through my opponent to see Ant & Dec; the double rules -”slam down the empty plate, or glass AND show an empty mouth - Blaah!” added to the twist that one of us was vegetarian.  But I guess they needed to do that to give the other bloke half a chance!

What a difference a year on. How polite and generous Stewart and Joe were to each other!  

minitaure artist Bill Mundy turned up on Saturday with this wonderful minitaure portrait of me in jungle gear. He exhibited it at the British society of minitaurist artists this year and won universal praise for it.

I’m delighted with my very own copy and it’s good to be reminded of my jungle trials!

There were three great highlights on last night’s show.

George Hamilton, the funster of the camp, winning the bush battle when he guessed an hour had passed to within 2 SECONDS! Brilliant! I love those Hollywood teeth, the big grins and the mischief!

Our Bush battle entailed as long as you can stand in a freezing tank of smelly water! I sang itsy bitsy while peeing to keep warm! It worked!

Joe Bugner got my vote when he put his arm round Kim and gave her a kiss. It takes a big man to make a peace offering like that. But then he would be the only one who could reach an arm around the enormous Kim!

Jordan’s best moment - breaking up Kim’s angry confrontation with Joe. It was Katie at her surprising best. and didn’t she stand up to her role well?   But now she’s gone it’ll be interesting to see who gets a look in. Kim lovey? Starey eyes Joe? Gino the cheffo? or any of the also theres?

During last year’s jungle romp I got an infection in my toe that Dr Bob had to treat for several days and afterwards a nasty case of bursitis - that almost kept me off stage during panto!

Stuff bites in there!  Joe Bugner is right to warn everyone. We had something scary scuttling around in the cave, and there were several creatures worth avoiding (Kilroy, and Paddick spring to mind!)

Don’t believe them when they say it’s alright to come back with 4 stars. The food is minimal and rice and beans are utterly dull!

And to those who say - bet they sneak in a pizza to you - don’t you believe it! Security is so tight that if you so much as step one pace beyond their permitted perimeter or head off on your own for a bit of solitude, there’s a security guard with blacked out face, in camoflage gear to send you back into camp!

There’s no escape! Even their watch face is covered (so you never know the time) - take a look at Ant and Dec during the trials  and see their watches have tape over the face. And everyone’s ITV id tags are turned away so you can’t see their names. We freaked them out when we called them by their first names! “How do you know who I am????” I can read silly!

“There’s only one person you can trust,” he said to me hours before going in, “and that’s me!”

Doctor Bob was right. Everyone else in there or attached to the show has their own agenda. The Producers in the Bush Telegraph have an agenda, the other people in the camp, even the shrink!

But Doctor Bob is different. He’s the one I discussed the tasks with and who I confided in.

 In our discussions I asked Bob if it might be better to stick your left hand into dark holes with things that nip? “Good idea Timmy . I never thought of that before, I’ll pass that on!” he said.

And did you notice? On the first show this series there was Sam Fox putting her left hand into the dark hole with crabs that nip!

The list of dos and dont’s and the producer giving me last minute instructions. “Go in there and cause mayhem!” 

Don’t trust them - any of them!

To keep entertained and busy in the jungle I platted string bracletes for my favourite camp mates. I gave mine to 15 year old supporter Emily Miles and it’s still on her wrist where I tied it a year ago!  Despite school and mum saying it looks awful, Emily is determined to wear it! Good on you Emily!

The celebrities are on their way. Each one stays in a different hotel before the show and they only move into the Versace when they come out. In fact the friends and family have a better time in that hotel than the stars!

Me and Pinky Punky had 5 days in the Hyatt Regency on the northern Gold Coast. A whole lot better than than the backpacker dump they booked in Byron Bay and to which I was driven from Ballina airport!

The other celebrities had the Marriott, continental, and a some were even in rather ordinary serviced apartments! Tee hee!

Mine even had a rolls royce golf buggy to go down to the beach!

ITV are paranoid about keeping you away from everyone and even take your mobile and laptop off you. No contact with anyone is their motto. Of course there may be ways if you’re smart enough!

This weekend a year ago I sat the family down and said “you know that show? well I’m going in it! I leave on Wednesday”

To which they replied “Oh God, don’t embarrass us and don’t embarrass yourself!”  Fat chance there then on both counts, I said.

Indeed the secrecy surrounding my entry into the jungle was such that nobody knew. My name was never in any of the online speculation and it was one of the best kept secrets in TV.

The day I left for Australia , the phone rang with a celebrity mate of mine asking if by chance I had any involvement becuase someone was guessing who’d be good in it. I reassured him, and he said “well if you ever do the show Timmy, I’ll be happy to be your celebrity mate.” Which was good cos I’d already put him down on my list!

Rolf and I left for Australia the same week…

ITV use codenames for everyone so that emails, texts and calls never mention anyone’s real name and nobody wandering past the office gets a hint who is in the show.

Last year I was chippy - Mallett - chippy; David Van Day was Video (his initials are DVD), Simon Webbe was Grace (something on his last album); Esther’s initials are ER so she was Majesty; Joe Swash was Buckle.  It was a game we played around the camp fire trying to guess each other’s nickame!

The names are known; the flights are booked but none of this year’s celebrities know who the others are yet! 

At this stage with days to go there’s a panic going on. Speculation is rife. secrets are trying to be kept and already the title sequence has been shot!

About two week before all the celebrities are brought separately and secretly to a studio in Holborn for the press pics and the titles to be shot. They are not allowed to meet each other. Minders with walkie talkies speak in codes to each other “Chippy is in costume” “Buckle is in the toilet” It’s all done to a strict timetable. 20 minutes in each dept; it takes roughly 4 hours of intense  waiting and sudden bursts of leaping into action. It was one of the most exciting and challenging days on the show. 

It’s a fantastic arrangement where everyone but the celebrities themselves know who the others are and they spend the day wondering how they will get on in the jungle!

They always ask who you don’t want to meet and they get ever so excited when your list includes someone you’re going to be in there with!

The new series starts Nov 15th!

which specs to wear on the title shot?! The researchers and minders have their say!